You Could Be Happy

You Could Be Happy
(Snow Patrol)

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

A Year Down

I remember you, at the oddest times of my day, and the simple thought of you makes me smile. I rub my heart a little, happy at the ache that begins to warm me at the thought of you. I know you are busy and yet do you know how my heart grows and folds onto itself with happiness when I hear you say you love me? I rub my heart a little, always amazed. One year down and yet how can I put into words the feeling of holding life in my arms. Of holding you.

*To my bestfriend with benefits, I'm so lucky to have found you.

Pocket Corners

Funny how I used to do that--look for you. I used to scan seas of faces wherever I went, my heart choking me whenever I caught a glimpse in the corner of my eyes, thinking it must be you, and then realizing that all I saw was a resemblance. I used to take deep breaths and lulled myself with the disappointment, reminding myself that I should no longer be looking in the first place, that I would not even know what to expect from you should we be face to face again. I used to ride this fear of seeing you and yet not finding you anymore--of knowing for certain that what I kept hoping for was no longer there. Then you took that final step away from me, and all I remember was that I somehow died that December. I stopped looking for you. I stopped hoping. And the little pocket corners of my world stopped holding you in them.