Saturday, December 18, 2010

Skipping Beats

I don't think you will ever understand. What it's like to look at you. To realize I have been holding my breath and to find myself surprised at the unconscious reaction. With you, I always want more. Of whatever you can give, whatever you have for me. I find myself needing so much of you that it fills me inside til I am bursting with needs. I look at you and I feel love. Not earth-shattering heartbreaking, but mind-numbing, bursting, enveloping. Can I compare? Where do I start measuring? With you, I am simply amazed. A tendency to lose myself in you brings me to pause. Can I survive the chance of loss? Can I even help myself? Silly questions. With you, I am alive.


There I go again, chasing after the past. Just a tiny crack and I slip through. If the world were in shades of grey, it would remind me of you. Like postcards or film shots; things in the past. Better left uncovered or buried deeper yet. But in slipping, I wonder: do you remember me still? how are you? what goes on now in that racy mind of yours? .. the fascination is not as strong..slow and soft now, but nonetheless, there.

Love and

I look at your picture. I wonder if I remember enough. Did those hands really hold mine for a time? It seemed so brief and yet so indefinite; like seconds in slow motion. I look again, more closely. Did those lips really touch mine? Were you able to command so much from me at one point in time? How can I forget? How can you seem like such the stranger that you are now? I see different faces with you. And yet, somehow, you belong there. Without me.

*To the good times in the past. Let's forget the bad.


There are things that break that don't make a sound; and in breaking, I find myself losing the things I thought I've found. In the silence that follows, I am transported into a dozen places all at once. Taken to memories I hardly remember. Breathing even, even as I find it hard to breathe. You don't say a word. I dare say nothing. And the shattering continues.