Tuesday, May 8, 2012


If I close my eyes right now, I can almost smell the sea and feel the heat of the sun burning into me. I hear the waves crashing as it lulls and disturbs my peace at the same time. I know you are there. The beach will always bring me to you. Your bronzed skin and easy smile urges me to close my eyes and savor moments. I hear music in the background. Your songs. They are so much a part of me now. I can always tell which playlist they belong to. Haha. I open my eyes a little and see your hand near mine. Our ring on your finger. I want a getaway. When can you take me there?


Your hands. I love looking at your hands. Both graceful and so strong. They move with a deliberate ease that is sexy and relaxing at the same time. I could spend hours just watching you at work. And when you're done, you look at me, and take my hand into yours, and the warmth in them seeps into my bones and my world tilts on the side of happy. I love your hands. They take me into dreams and right beside you.


to feel you move
to watch my belly ripple like waves as you roll over
nothing will ever come close to this feeling
no words
can describe
it's just you and me
and will be until you greet the world with your eyes
I can't wait to take your little hand
and hold it in mine
and tell you that everything will be alright
that nothing is perfect
but you and I are real
you and I
are one.


I could deal with looking at your new pictures. They show me a different man from the one I've known, someone I hardly know anymore. But coming across an old photo, it was jarring. I paused and froze in place, my heart rushing to my throat and choking me until I realized I've held my breath. There you were, looking ten years younger, and looking at you made the memories rush in so fast, I could not have prepared for it. There were photos of you before you knew me, and photos of you after. One came close to when we would have already met and it filled me with so much pain to see you just as I remembered you before. And then, when I could breathe and let go of everything that was gripping me, my heart expanded and came to terms again. It was really a different time, wasn't it? Perhaps a once in a lifetime moment where you find a place in the world that makes sense and reality is nothing but that person with you. That was what that time was like for me. Every experience, every feeling, was centered around nothing and no one but you. And so perhaps it consumed me in ways that I will never understand. And in ways that took about a decade to get over. Because I can let go now, I can breathe. But because it was so important back then, I will always remember. I wasn't the happiest girl then. I was insecure and filled with much of nothing that I had no idea of half of what I was doing. So perhaps things have a reason for unfolding. And things have a way of working out and falling into its right place. You are there, somewhere. And I am here. We are linked by a past we can't seem to let go, and yet I have the surest feeling that where we are now is where we should be. Thank you for the memories.