You Could Be Happy

You Could Be Happy
(Snow Patrol)

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

A Year Down

I remember you, at the oddest times of my day, and the simple thought of you makes me smile. I rub my heart a little, happy at the ache that begins to warm me at the thought of you. I know you are busy and yet do you know how my heart grows and folds onto itself with happiness when I hear you say you love me? I rub my heart a little, always amazed. One year down and yet how can I put into words the feeling of holding life in my arms. Of holding you.

*To my bestfriend with benefits, I'm so lucky to have found you.

Pocket Corners

Funny how I used to do that--look for you. I used to scan seas of faces wherever I went, my heart choking me whenever I caught a glimpse in the corner of my eyes, thinking it must be you, and then realizing that all I saw was a resemblance. I used to take deep breaths and lulled myself with the disappointment, reminding myself that I should no longer be looking in the first place, that I would not even know what to expect from you should we be face to face again. I used to ride this fear of seeing you and yet not finding you anymore--of knowing for certain that what I kept hoping for was no longer there. Then you took that final step away from me, and all I remember was that I somehow died that December. I stopped looking for you. I stopped hoping. And the little pocket corners of my world stopped holding you in them.

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time. That says it all, doesn't it?

Well Wishes

I wish you to be happy. I want that most of all. I want to know that it was not all a mistake, and that life dealt each of us a destined hand. I want you to know you are remembered. And what once was will always be. But that things in the past are merely memories now, albeit powerful ones. And that no matter how many wishes are raised up in the still orange sky, there is no turning back. You and I are never to be in the same place again. Never to hold, never to touch. Never to do more than remember what once was. I am happy now. Greatly and painfully happy. And I wish the same for you. That you find more than you hope for, that you even try. That you do more than remember the past, but that you take a step to finding it again.

Stolen Shots

You see a glimpse of a life, and you realize that you were once a part of it. You were there, with those people, smiling, laughing, feeling totally out of place, and yet now that you look back, you realize, you were the only one who thought you didn't belong. You see those people, and you look at how their faces and bodies have changed, how time has either been kind or unkind, and yet somehow, you can't help feeling the past that you were once a part of. You are no longer a part of their world. They have gone on and moved on and left memories of you so far behind that it may be a wonder if they still remember you. The kids have grown up and you hardly recognize them anymore. They used to like you, maybe even love you at a time. Now, they don't know you as well. But then again, you wonder, what if..what if you had never left, would you be a part of them now?

Girl From Ipanema

Listening. Getz and Gilberto playing in the background. Brings me soft memories of you. How wonderful it is to revisit old times. Minus the heartaches, absent of the heartbreak. Falling in love wasn't so difficult then. We sat on your back porch swing, and you laid your head on my lap. Getz and Gilberto playing in the background. Made solid memories of you. I remember sitting there and not really knowing what was to come. Just thinking that at that moment, I was there. So were you. Somehow that was all it took, for a single memory to forever hold so much meaning. Then your dad looked in through the curtain of the glass door. And it was time to head back inside.